Helen Gruber CoachingThe Pressure of Responsibility: Why Women in Care Take on So Much Extra “Invisible Load”
As women in the care industry, our jobs, by nature require us to take on a lot of responsibility. Perhaps if that is where it ended, we would be doing ok. But the problem is, we also have lives outside of work! We have family, children, and often get the responsibility of taking care of our parents too. Why? Because we are good at it! People are used to us doing it!
This “invisible load,” where women take on a lot of unseen tasks and responsibilities that are not recognised or appreciated by others, is exactly that – invisible to others.
All too often, carer’s get stuck in a ‘martyr’ cycle, where our generous, loving spirit, gets taken advantage of, and before we know it we are stuck in a disempowering cycle. And there is no relief at home, and there is no relief in the workplace!
While you might feel stuck and that there is no way to break the cycle, you have to remember that taking on too much responsibility can have negative effects on our health and relationships.
Constant stress and burnout from taking on too much can lead to physical and mental health issues such as anxiety and depression. These issues are far easier to prevent than to treat. I had to have a full 5 months off work, just to get back to ‘normal’. But things were never the same.
Taking on too much responsibility can also negatively impact our relationships, as we may not have enough time or energy for our loved ones. I’m sure you’ve felt bitchy or cranky, or just so exhausted that you have literally nothing left to give your family. There are graceful ways of asking for help – it takes a little replenishment first, then a simple “ask for help” framework I have to follow (send me a message if you’d like it).
We often feel guilty for not doing more – even when we know we are doing enough, it’s often the futile search of perfection that can keep us trapped in the guilt cycle.
It is okay to ask for help and support, and to prioritise ourselves without feeling guilty or selfish.
Here are my top 3 “release the responsibility pressure” tips, for women in care:
- Find the confidence to ask for support when you need it, whether it be from friends, family, or professionals.
- Learn to say “no” gracefully, without feeling guilty or ashamed.
- Prioritise yourself and your needs, without feeling guilty or selfish. This can include taking time for self-care, setting boundaries, and making sure to make time for things that bring you joy and fulfilment.
If you need help with the “how” on any of those three suggestions, please send me a message on my contact page, and I will happily send you some of my frameworks to follow!
It is important to recognise and acknowledge the pressure of responsibility that women in care often face, and the negative effects it can have on our health and relationships. However, by finding the confidence to ask for support, learning to say no gracefully, and prioritising ourselves, we can start to take steps towards a more balanced and healthy life as carers.
Helen Gruber Coaching